“This here is Molly. She... «This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It»

“This here is Molly. She was a good dog. And when I say ‘good dog’ I don’t mean it
the way other people mean it, when they’re talking about a dog that never shit on
the floor or bit their kids. No, I’m talking about a dog that died saving Amy’s life. By
my rough count, that’s half a dozen times Molly saved one of our lives. How many
dogs can say that? Hell, how many people can say that? One time, Dave was in a
burning building, and Mol ly here rescued him by getting behind the wheel of his car
and driving through the wall. You know that couldn’t have been easy for her.
“Anyhow, Molly died in the way that all really good things die, fast and brutal and
for no apparent reason. They say that even though it often appears that God just
really, really doesn’t give a shit about what happens down here, that that’s just an
illusion and He really does care after all, and it’s all part of His great plan to make it
appear that He doesn’t care. Though what purpose that serves I can’t possibly
imagine. I think God probably just wanted Molly for Himself, and I guess I can’t
blame Him.
“Well, God, here’s your dog back, I guess. We hereby commit Molly to doggy
heaven, which is probably nicer than regular heaven, if you think about it. Amen.”